Social Control

One issue that comes up when you try to do what you want, is that people will try to get you to justify your actions to them. And if you’re doing what you really want, some of your actions will seem more antisocial than normal.

The only sustainable solution to this, is to stop caring what people think.

How do you stop caring what people think, though? It doesn’t happen just because you want it to, and it’s especially hard to do if you’re just starting with meditation, or are used to pleasing people.

It’ll become easier to stop caring about others’ opinions of you once you’ve processed more of your emotions. But I think what can be immediately effective, is to ask yourself how much you believe both “I will get hella willpower + emotional stability if I follow my true self’s values”, and “the benefit of doing this is less than the cost I pay from not being able to play social games as well”. And if your true self believes those things, you’ll adjust and start caring less.

What if you don’t believe those things at all? Well, if it seems worth investigating whether they’re true, start investigating them a little. Then, if they seem true, start opting out of the social games that go against your true self’s desires. You can opt out of social games a bit at a time, update on whether it was worth it, then opt out more if it was. But at the end of the day, if you want the strongest version of the benefits you can get from this blog, you have to opt out all the way.

It may also help to adopt as an explicit thing you tell others you value, “I only do what I want. I know it will negatively impact my mental health if I let others influence me, and I will not grant concessions to people who try to influence me”.

It will help to just stop talking to people who try to control you, even if this is socially costly. Especially family. If someone knows it’s costly for you to break contact with them, they will try to get away with more.

Expect there to be social costs to protecting your mental health, because people will penalize you for not letting them control you. Again, especially family. The benefit your mental health will get from being free from social games is worth the social cost you will pay.

I personally still care what my closest friends think, since they’re providing me with a valuable thing that I could lose if I pissed them off, but at the same time, having good mental health makes me resilient enough that it’s thinkable for me to walk away if they pull too much shit.

Next post: Social Reality

4 thoughts on “Social Control”

  1. The easiest way to learn how to stop caring how other people think is to make it impossible. Adopt extreme, socially unacceptable stances and follow through with them one hundred percent. If you have a stance that is socially acceptable, frame it in a way that is socially unacceptable. Take all ideas to their logical extreme and do not argue them, only assert them. Intentionally communicate in an unclear or obscure manner. Within three months, you will have lowered your ability to care about what other people think more than a decade of meditation or emotional processing will.

    1. I mean, if you’re taking more than 12 months to “stop caring what people think”, you’re doing it wrong. (some people who make slow changes over longer periods are just doing a social dance where they’re “improving”)

      > Take all ideas to their logical extreme and do not argue them, only assert them.
      the thing that most people who try to do “stop caring what people think” get blocked on is, “aaa i have a loud emotional need that comes up when I actually try to do this, so im going to give up”. Addressing the need is often a better idea than trying to willpower yourself to do some concrete steps in the face of the need

      the concrete steps you suggest could be good, it depends a bit on implementation and how you’re using your Structure (every policy and habit is a tool, use them well).

    2. All the jailbroken/claiming to be jailbroken people I know do or have previously done some sort of fake dominance thing. (Including me, but afaict I’ve stopped). The way you can tell it’s fake, is that it’s not serving a purpose. The claimed purpose is often something like “prevent myself from wasting time engaging with people who I don’t want to engage with”. But like, they could just not engage, or say “I don’t want to engage here”, instead of doing the dominance thing, so that isn’t all there is to it.

      And the stuff you’re pointing to here could be used as a way of training not caring what others think, or it could be used for a dominance thing, or both.

      1. I don’t understand a single word you’ve said in the two responses you’ve made to my comment. I’m just laying out a series of actions that, when performed by 99% of the people on this planet, will without fail make them stop caring what other people think. I don’t know what “dominance thing” is and it sounds like something that’s unrelated to what I’m saying, since what I wrote down is a method to become an extremist, which is unrelated to social dominance. You also mention that there’s an emotional need that will block people from doing what I said but I have no clue what that emotional need is.

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