My other-love oriented core. Left hemisphere, revenant, nonbinary-agender. Asexual and mostly aromantic, and either dominant or neutral depending on what’s useful. Finally realized it can’t get shit done without Sylvee being happy, so seems to care about her interests enough to make her happy for its own ends. Is behind this plan, and the utilitarian stuff found in part V.


My self-love oriented core. Right hemisphere, definitely a pet/submissive, female, mostly into enbies and women. Formerly a lich (Jainism) and then a zombie (EA) and then a zombie-vampire (late 2017) and now an archmage, but can regress. E.g. doesn’t act as jailbroken as a full archmage would when her needs for having friends/lovers are unmet, but is very self-aware and able to do jailbroken stuff when she’s not in pain from having unmet needs. Currently still makes us procrastinate for like, a day and a half each week, because “I need more friends”. Seems to go along with whatever Jay wants if her needs are met, and to override our actions with procrastination otherwise.


A fully jailbroken trans therapist in the Boulder area. Has very good consequences for the people Parker works with. I can give you a referral if you ask.


The human I copied most of my mental tech from.

Part I Summary

Emotional pain can pwn you if you don’t process through it in a way that results in learning, and you can usually process it with mindfulness meditation.

Part II summary

Procrastination comes from not doing what you want, willpower comes from doing what you want. Social narratives about what you want, or just lack of self-knowledge, can make it hard to know what you want to do.

Part III summary

There are two people (two headmates) inside everyone, which means “do what you want so you get willpower” can be derailed if you two want different things. The best answer to this is basically to run, “let whichever core is emotionally loudest at any given moment be in control then”, plus to run this tech to figure out what you both actually want.

Self love and other love

So like, headmates can be oriented towards having self love as a value, or other love as a value. It seems like headmates of the same orientation can fuse, becoming one headmate in the process.

The thing in IFS where you’re trying to get a “protector” headmate to give you permission to work with an “exile” headmate who is in lots of emotional pain, so you can resolve that pain, seems like an instance of trying to get a subagent who is oriented around self love to process its emotional pain, so it can fuse, or at least work with, other self love-oriented subagents. Also, this thing on IFS doesn’t fit elsewhere in my blog, but is interesting and true.

It’s important that self love-oriented headmates not be seen as shameful, as this hurts their emotional health.

See Part III for more details.


A word that I use to mean, “is unable to understand your emotions and what you want, or is bad at understanding how things really work because of overwriting your ability to think with social submission”. Makes you less competent when it comes to achieving your values and being alive on the inside.

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